#also i just put the poster up after spending forever trying to flatten it out

[lemondoddle]

btw did you guys know that I'm like totally completely normal and regular

[I.D. a photo of a hand holding up a boot with a patch on the tongue for the movie goncharov next to a poster for the same film. End I.D.]

[dust2dust34]

Pieces of Always: December 2014 (FICoN ‘verse)

Life continues after Forever is Composed of Nows.

by @so-caffeinated and @dust2dust34

Summary: Ongoing non-linear collection of family moments for the Queens. (You do not need to have read FiCoN to enjoy this, but it will spoil the end. Please see the first installment for additional author notes. Thank you @jsevick​ and @alizziebyanyothername​ for the amazing beta!)

A/N: Please see the first chapter for an important Author’s Note, as well as under the cut for an additional one.

A/N: I am taking more of a beta role for right now. The effervescent @so-caffeinated is fully in the driver’s seat and she’s kicking all the ass, so please go send her your love!

(read on AO3)

December 2014 - Sins of the Mother

‘Things’ don’t mean a whole lot to Will. They never have. But, he’s awfully pleased with his room at his dad’s house. It’s not that there’s so much stuff in it, even though there really is. It’s that his dad and Felicity obviously put so much thought into it.

There’s a Lego Movie poster on the back of his door and a picture of him and his dad at a ballgame on the edge of his mirror. He’s got Big Hero 6 sheets and a whole pirate ship play set of Jake and the Neverland Pirates. Now, that might just sound like a typical first-grade boy’s room, but it’s not to Will. It’s a reminder that Felicity took him to see the Lego Movie when his dad got stuck at work and that his dad got season tickets to the Starling City Rockets just because he likes baseball. It’s a reminder that his dad had stopped him from crying when he’d skinned his knee by quoting Baymax and asking ‘On a scale of 1-to-10, how would you rate your pain?’ Will had said zero, even though it hurt, because that’s how the line goes. It’s a reminder that he spent a solid month saying “aw, coconuts” at every opportunity, just like Jake’s pirate friend Cubby, and they never once pointed out how annoying it was, even though Will’s pretty sure it drove them nuts.

Will’s room is a filled with evidence that he belongs here, that his dad and Felicity love him and welcome him as a part of their family. So, that’s why he loves it. It’s not all the ‘stuff,’ it’s what all the stuff means.

Today there’s an extra layer of excitement to it all, though. Because today he gets to stay here. He gets to sleep in that bed for the very first time. And, while part of him is really super worried about being away from his mom all night long, a bigger part is just buzzing with anticipation at staying the whole weekend with his dad.

Until this past summer, his mom was his only family, but it’s grown quickly this year. He’s got his dad and Felicity and soon he’ll have a baby sister. He’s got kinda mixed feelings on that last one. He’s excited to be a big brother - he’s always wanted that - but he’s also a bit worried that it’ll change how his dad sees him.

He hasn’t said that, though. Not to anyone. The idea of voicing it makes him too nervous.

But he doesn’t need to worry, yet. Julianna is still more than a month away from being born, and Will has a super awesome weekend ahead of him and a second Christmas with his dad. It sort of promises to be the best weekend ever.

He tosses his overnight bag in the corner of his room and sits on the edge of his bed, bouncing a bit on the mattress - because he can - and giggles when he flops backwards and looks up at the solar system model that decorates his ceiling. It’s a nightlight, too. ‘Cause his dad was worried he’d wake up and not know where he was, so now he’s got the glow of the planets to remind him.

Will’s not a hundred percent sure, but he strongly suspects he’s got the best dad in the whole world. And he gets to spend two whole days with him.

A little thrill of excitement runs through him at that and he grins up at Jupiter for a moment until his stomach rumbles loudly.

Snacktime seems to be most of the time, lately. His mom says he’s in the middle of a growth spurt, which has Will checking his height against the marks on his doorframe back home on a daily basis. He swears there’s a difference from a few days ago, but his mom had flattened his hair and told him otherwise. He’s not buying it, though. He knows he’s grown. Just like he knows he’s hungry and Felicity totally bought him those yogurt push-up things his mom won’t get because she says they’re too messy.

There are so many perks to being at his dad’s house.

Will hops off the bed and scurries from his room, all inexhaustible childish energy. He barely pays attention as he slams his bedroom door behind him and bolts down the stairs, taking them two at a time and wondering if he’d get in trouble here for sliding down the railing like he does back home.

He might try that later. It’s super fun, even if it does get him scolded pretty hard by his mom.

It would probably be a good idea to just try it now. His dad had to go answer the door just a few minutes after his mom left and Felicity had gone up to her room for something. It’s tempting. He’s all alone, way less likely to get into trouble… But, no. He wants that yogurt and he wants it now.

Apparently Felicity couldn’t remember what flavor he liked, because he opens the fridge to find pretty much all of them ever made. This is extra awesome because there’s Berry Bubblegum Bash which is a thing his mom says is gross and he doesn’t need, but it’s totally his favorite anyhow. He tears into the tube of yogurt and happily starts sucking it down when he hears his dad talking to whoever was at the door.

“Mom, I don’t know what made you think this would be a good idea.”

Grandma Moira, then, Will realizes. He’s met his dad’s mom twice and she’s… she’s weird. She’s not like he thought grandmas were. She shook his hand instead of hugging him when they met and she just kind of stares at him like she can’t figure something out. He’s pretty sure his mom doesn’t like her much, either. They barely spoke and when they did it was clipped and stiff like the way his mom had been with him after that parent-teacher conference last year when she’d found out he’d been ditching his homework assignments on the bus since October. So… super mad, is what he’s thinking. She’s super mad at his grandmother and he doesn’t know why, but it’s enough to make him a little nervous around her anyhow.

At least he has Felicity’s mom. She sorta makes up for it because she’s all hugs. She squishes him and leaves lipstick smears on his face and sneaks him cookies with a wink and a finger to her lips urging silence. Grandma Donna’s pretty awesome, even if she’s not actually his grandma.

“Of course it’s a good idea, Oliver. He’s my grandson.”

Oh… they’re talking about him. Will freezes at that realization, yogurt in hand. He squeezes it tightly between his little fingers, but he’s no longer drinking it down. What are they talking about?

“You know exactly what terms you can see him under and you know why,” his father counters sharply.

Will’s brow furrows at that. He’s got no idea what they’re talking about, but it’s enough to make him nervous. Had he done something? What did he do?

“Don’t be ridiculous, Oliver. These barriers you’re putting up are completely pointless.”

“The one thing Samantha insisted on if he was going to be a part of my life is that he not see you unless she’s there, too. And you know what? I agree with her. So, no, Mom, the barriers aren’t pointless at all. They're there to protect my family.”

His head spinning with all of this, Will takes a few hesitant steps toward the stairs and holds onto the railing before sitting on the bottom step and tucking his legs in close, making himself small as he listens in.

“I am your family. And whatever you might think, everything I did, I did to protect you.”

“You told me my son was dead!”  

His dad’s voice is so loud and so sharp that Will don’t have to strain to hear it. He’s never heard his dad yell before, never heard him really angry, but he definitely is now.

And he’s not done.

“You robbed me of knowing my son for years. And you’d have kept doing it if I hadn’t found out on my own. This is my son, my child, and he spent the first six years of his life without a dad because of you.”

“Yes,” his grandmother confirms. “And he was better off for it. You weren’t ready to be a father then, Oliver. That boy would have ruined your life.”

There’s more yelling after that, voices increasingly loud and definitely angry on both sides, but Will can’t make out the words because he’s crying too hard to hear it. He doesn’t feel like he’s ruining his dad’s life. He doesn’t want to do that. He’d sort of thought everything was great, that his dad was happy. Is he not? Does his dad secretly wish he’d never met him? Would he be happier if it was just him and Felicity and their baby?

Will tucks himself into the tiniest ball he can manage, his tears soaking through the sleeves of his Super Why sweatshirt. Maybe he should go back home. Maybe he belongs with his mom. But what if he’s ruining her life, too? What if he’s just no good, if he doesn’t belong anywhere? What if no one really wants him?

He’s so heartsick that he’s nauseous and he squeezes the yogurt in his hand hard enough that it gets all over the knee of his jeans. That just makes him cry harder because now he’s made a mess and that already gets him a scolding from his mom. Will Felicity hate him for it? Will his dad?

“Will?”

He can’t make himself look up at the sound of Felicity’s voice. He just scoots closer to the wall, away from her and whimpers into his arms.

“Will, what’s wrong?” Her voice sort of trails off at the end and he’s pretty sure that’s because his dad and his grandma are yelling loudly enough that she hears whatever they’re saying.

He’s not sure what he thought Felicity would do, but lowering herself down to the step he’s on and pulling him into her arms isn’t it. She’s huge these days. Her baby takes up all the space where she’d have had a lap and there’s no room for Will, but it seems like that’s something Felicity refuses to accept because she holds him tighter than he could have imagined.

“I’m sorry, baby, you shouldn’t have heard this. I’m so sorry. She’s wrong, okay? She’s wrong.” It’s whispered fiercely into his mop of hair and there’s so much determination in her voice that he thinks maybe she actually means it. That just makes Will sob harder into her chest because maybe he doesn’t even deserve this. Maybe she’s just being nice.

Later, when he’s older, he’ll wonder how the hell she’d managed to both stand and pick him up. He’s not that big yet, but she is eight months pregnant and it has to be incredibly awkward. But she does it anyhow. He buries his face in her neck and clings to her because even though all of a sudden he’s not sure he deserves to be comforted, he still needs it.

He’s only dimly aware of them moving closer to the shouting in the living room, but he does register when his not-quite-stepmother speaks up because her voice is low and livid and it rumbles beneath his cheek.

“Get the hell out of my house,” she snaps.

The yelling stops instantly and he can hear his father quietly say his name. It sounds concerned, but then maybe his dad just feels like that’s his responsibility. Will clings to Felicity’s neck, his fingers gripping the back of her maternity blouse so tightly that his knuckles hurt.

“He wasn’t meant to hear any of that,” Grandma Moira states. She sounds a little uneasy as she says it. “I didn’t intend to-”

“I really don’t care about your intentions, Moira,” Felicity announces, cutting her off. “You hurt my little boy. Again. So you can get out, cool down and give us a call next week when I want to throttle you slightly less for doing this to him.”

Will melts a little as he feels his dad’s now-familiar arms lift him from Felicity and pull him close. It’s so warm, so welcoming, and Will is so very terrified that it’s not real, that it’s been faked out of some sense of obligation, and that maybe it won’t last.

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m so sorry,” he sobs out brokenly against his dad’s shirt. “I didn’t mean to ruin anything. I’m sorry.”

“Mom, get out,” his father says. It’s softer than Felicity’s voice had been, but no less firm and the click of heels along the wood floor a moment later gives way to the thunk of the front door shutting.

And then his father’s attention is entirely on him. “She’s wrong, Buddy. You didn’t ruin anything. I promise. I love you so much, okay? We all love you. My life is so much better with you in it.”

“Why’s she hate me?” Will asks into his dad’s collarbone, eyes pinched shut and his nose running on his dad’s shirt. “What’d I do? I’ll fix it. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, god, Will… you didn’t do anything,” his dad says. His voice is so thick that Will thinks maybe he’s crying, too. “Felicity… what do I…?”

“I don’t know,” she answers quietly. “I don’t know. This is…” She sighs hugely and he hears the sofa creak under her weight as she plops down on it. His dad follows suit a moment later and Will winds up on his dad’s lap, his head tucked under his father’s chin while Felicity runs her fingers through his hair.

“Will, look at me, Buddy, please?” his dad asks.

It’s hard, but he does. With a sniffle and a swipe of his nose along his sleeve, Will looks up to find his father looking back at him brokenly.

“Nobody hates you, Will,” he vows. Will flinches because he’s not sure how he can believe that right now. “Your Grandma Moira made a big mistake before you were born, okay? I… I wanted to wait until you were older for us to talk about this. I wanted to talk with your mom, first, but…”

“You don’t have a choice now, Oliver,” Felicity murmurs from his side. There’s a whole silent conversation that goes on between the two of them and Will finds himself bracing for whatever’s going to come next.

“Your mom and I… we were young when we found out she was pregnant with you and we didn’t have the kind of relationship Felicity and I do,” his dad says. It’s all a bit broken, like he’s not sure what he’s supposed to be saying here, but that just makes Will listen harder. Grown-ups tend to be more honest when they haven’t planned out what they’re gonna say. “My mom thought I was too young to be a daddy. She thought I might miss out on too many parts of growing up if I had a baby. So she made some bad choices that kept us apart.”

“She told you I died,” Will supplies.

His dad doesn’t want to agree. He can see that much, but there’s also no arguing that point. Not after what he’s heard.

“She did,” he confirms. “She did tell me that and she made your mom go away so I wouldn’t know that you hadn’t.”

“None of this has anything to do with how we feel about you, Will,” Felicity assures him. She’s stroking his hair like a mom, like his mom, and looking at him like she’d give anything for him to believe her. He wants to. He loves them so very much and he’s gotten painfully attached to this side of his life very quickly. “Your dad is so happy that you’re his son. Even when you aren’t here, we talk about you all the time. He’s always showing off your picture to people and telling them stories about what you did together. And me? Will, you’re an awesome kid with such a big heart. You didn’t have to accept me in your life, but you did. Right from the very beginning, you did. You’re not really my son. You’re not even my stepson. But I can’t imagine my life without you in it and I’m so happy that you’ve let me be a part of yours.”

“But…” Will pauses, his eyes casting down. Felicity’s baby bump is front and center, full-on proof right in front of him that they don’t need him to be parents. They’ll have a baby of their own soon enough.

“But, what?” his father asks, wiping his thumbs beneath Will’s eyes to clear away the tears.

Will clears his throat and looks up nervously. “But… you won’t need me, soon. You’ll have Julianna. Your real kid, the one that belongs to the two of you and you get to have all the time.”

Aw, damn, he’s made Felicity cry. In truth, it’s amazing it took this long. She cries a lot lately. His dad says the baby makes her do that sometimes, that it’s something called ‘hormones,’ but Will’s never seen her not pregnant, so he’s not all that sure about that yet.

“Come here,” she insists, tugging him from his father’s lap. His dad seems reluctant to let him go, which is pretty nice, but Felicity is insistent. Sitting on her lap is awkward as anything. He’s sort of draped over her stomach as she hugs him like she’s afraid he might disappear if she lets him go. “Nothing is ever going to change what you mean to us, Will,” she promises. “Julianna is completely separate from you. We need both of you to make our family whole. She’s gonna need her big brother and I’m gonna need my Will and so will your dad.”

“Were you worried about this before today?” his dad asks.

Will can feel his lower lip quivering and his eyes watering up again. “Maybe a little,” he admits.

There’s a rustling of fabric for a moment and a squeak of the sofa. Soon enough, Will realizes his father is standing up. “Hold on a minute, Bud,” he says. “I need to show you a Christmas present.”

“I don’t need a present,” Will tells him, his heart sinking a little because he knows no toy is going to make this better.

“Good, because it’s not for you,” his father says, shooting him a slightly amused look. That’s enough to pique his interest and Will watches as his father disappears into the kitchen and trots up the stairs.

It’s very quiet then, except for the sound of his father’s heavy footfalls and Felicity’s concerned sigh as she rubs his back.

“We found out about you when we needed you the most,” she tells him, tucking the top of his head under her chin. “I know you don’t understand that, yet, but you’ve brought us a lot of joy when things were pretty tough. You’re a bright spot in both of our lives and neither one of us would give you up for anything. You make everything better, Will. You make us so happy…”

He cuddles in, ignoring the way Julianna pushes back against his chest when he squeezes Felicity. Every word she’s said, every word his dad’s said is like a balm to his bruised heart. And he wants to let it heal him. He wants that so badly…

“Found it,” his dad says, reentering the room with a box in hand. “I got this for your sister for Christmas, but I think maybe she’d want you to hold on to it for her for now.”

Will eyes the slim box warily because he can’t possibly begin to imagine what’s in it. Felicity clearly knows, though, because the smile on her face grows about a mile wide as she watches Will’s dad with teary-eyed affection.

“Go on, open it up,” his father urges, handing him the box.

Will untangles himself from Felicity, as his dad sits back down next to them and pulls them both closer with an arm around his girlfriend’s shoulder. It’s nice, cozy, leaves him literally surrounded by the family he’s been sitting here questioning his own value to. They’re definitely acting like they want him, anyhow.

He shakes off the top of the box and looks down at it with a furrowed brow before looking back up at his dad. “It’s a picture frame with lots of spots for pictures.”

“It’s a little more than that,” his dad tells him. “How’s your reading going?”

“It’s… going,” Will says a little anxiously. Words are hard. He’s got letters down no problem, but books with pictures are just so much easier.

“How about I help you a bit here, then, okay?” his dad offers, taking his hand and placing it over the engraving beneath one empty spot for a picture. “What’s this first word? You know this one.”

“It’s Will,” he says a little astonished at the familiar letters beneath his fingers. “And the next word is ‘and.’ I know that one. It’s a sight word at school.”

“Good job,” his dad says. “Can you sound out the next word here?”

“Um… Gel?” he asks before huffing in frustration when his dad doesn’t agree.

“Maybe we should save the reading lesson for sometime a bit less… this one,” Felicity offers.

“Jules,” his dad tells him. “That word is Jules. This says ‘Will and Jules at their first ballgame.’”

“It does?” Will asks, looking up hopefully.

“Yeah,” his father confirms. “It does. And this next one says ‘Will and Jules at the park.’ And the next one says ‘Will and Jules at Mom and Dad’s wedding.’ ...You were always gonna be a part of our family, Will. From the instant I knew you existed, we wanted you to be in our lives. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise, not your grandmother and not your own heart. Julianna won’t make you less a part of this family, she’ll just give you a bigger family to be a part of, Buddy.”

It’s a good thing that Felicity had one hand on the picture frame because Will drops it without warning and launches himself at his father. Oliver’s more than ready for him, holding onto the boy for all he’s worth.

“I want you in my life, too, Daddy,” he murmurs into his father’s neck. “Felicity and Julianna, too. I’ll be a good brother. You’ll see. I’ll take her to the park and teach her baseball and I’ll only sneak her cookies sometimes.”

“I know, Little Man, I know,” his dad whispers back, rocking him and cupping the back of his head. “I never had a doubt, because you’re already the best son I could ask for.”

Will swallows hard and nods, before pulling back and looking at his dad. “Is it okay if maybe I don’t like your mom so much?” he asks. “She makes me feel bad. I don’t like feeling bad. I don’t think I want her to be my grandma. Can I just have Grandma Donna instead?”

He’s pretty damned nervous about asking this, but he just doesn’t know how he can face his Grandma Moira. Not after today, not knowing what she thinks of him. And he doesn’t want to feel sad. It’s awful. He hates crying.

“You’re always gonna have Grandma Donna,” his dad tells him. “And I think maybe it’s a good idea that you don’t see my mom much for a bit.”

“I think Samantha is going to insist on that,” Felicity adds quietly.

His dad tilts his head in agreement. “However you feel about my mom is okay, WIll. She hurt both of us and she cost us a lot of time together. I can’t blame you if you don’t like her. She’s not always an easy person to like. And if you don’t want to see her, I’ll limit that as much as I can for you, but she’s still your grandmother. Nothing changes that.”

“Okay,” Will agrees, because that’s as close to getting his way as he thinks he can really expect.

“Do you feel a bit better? Did you want to call your mom?” his dad asks. Even without looking, Will knows just from his tone that his father is desperately hoping he doesn’t want to make that call. His mom will come rushing back in a heartbeat. She’d probably be upset with his dad, even though it’s not really his fault, and Will might not even get his holiday weekend with his dad if that happened.

“I’m good,” he assures him. He lets go of his dad with one hand to rest it on Felicity’s belly. Jules kicks him immediately in greeting - or maybe it’s a fist-bump, he’s decided his little sister is the fist-bump type; maybe they’ll make up their own secret handshake someday, just like in Big Hero-6. Felicity’s hand settles over his and squeezes gently. Something in his heart settles at the closeness with the three of them.

When he’d been younger, when he’d daydreamed about his dad, he’d come up with a million scenarios for what his father would be like. Sometimes he was awesome, sometimes he was awful. Sometimes his dad had a whole huge family that existed without him, sometimes his father was a spy or a soldier or a superhero. His imagination drafted a hundred scenarios, a million lives that could have been his, but thinking about that now, he realizes not a one of them was as great as his life really turned out to be.

“I’m more than good,” he says. “I’m sort of great.”

*

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